|
droolmonster69
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: JeNee
Location: Torrance, California, United States
Gender: Female
Interests: hahaha, xanga.
Expertise: wow, i used to really like talking. (typing.. whatevs)
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
3/15/2004
|
|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| i decided to use livejournal.. because no ones subcribed to it. so im not sending EMAILS everytime i write.. lol so my live journal is www.livejournal.com/users/endangerdjen so if you really want to keep up on me.. go there.... | | |
| okay.. well someone told kamrin.. that i cheated on him. and the funny thing is he decided to bring it up and say he heard it from a reliable source. and im sorry but that is the perfect lie right therr. because one. if one of my friends told him that.. thats not a realiable source because he knows im having problems with those ones... two. the only "reliable source" would be mike. and he said mike didn't say anything and even if mike did say something like that im pretty sure it was just mis communication. three. kamrin knows that i made him that one promise that i wouldnt ever cheat on him. so why would he believe some kind of "reliable source" when he knows im the only one. everyone person he has talked to about me has said something even though im pretty sure they didn't mean to make me out that way making me seem like i've lied or kept things from him. and i haven't he knows everything about me. even the stuff about me after we broke up. so why? why?. thats my favortie question in the world. is why? people who are living amongst the past of me. need to move on because i have. | | |
| so i haven't written in here for awhile. because well i haven't really figured out how to gather my thoughts. and too much has been on my mind. so i'l try to break it down. i'll start from the break up with kamrin. he broke up with me. and i told him. it was a good idea that he did because i was going to do the same. and well i guess he's been misesrable and so have i. BUT for differnt reasons... me because i really missed him. and i didn't knwo how to get over it because i need closure. and i couldn't get that because i never talked to him. and ever since him. im not trying to sayyyy or brang about anything. but these guys have been trying to get with me. well only 4 guys. but still when all your thinking about is kamrin. its alot. why is it so hard to get the message out that i dont want ANYONRE right now. they jsut don't get it. i jsut want to have fun. its high school. you know? well life is exactly hjow i planned it to start this year. no friends. they are all back stabbers and i dont want to get into it. because well i always complain about alyssa. and its time to let it go and be the "better man." if she wants to be the way she is. she will never change. so that has been bugging me. because i really feel like i can't find my place in this world. i have no group to hang out with. no real group of friends that i can always rely on. i bounc from group to group. and its not so fun because some weekends. they will have their own thing planned and im stuck no where. see my point? well besides that. i've just been stressing too much. and worrying about too much. i've got TOO much on my hands that i shouldn't. but it really effects me. but i thin k now i have everything under control. hopefully. well thats it for now. sorry you guys don't get to see my full thought on this whole august and september. but it just as i feel like i dont even exisist anymore anyways. and the reason why i haven't been able to get over all of this is because kamrin is the only one who knows exactly how i feel. but now i think kamrin and i are good. and we talk. he lives down the street from me now.. and well all is lost.... but well.. | | |
| POPSiCLE!!! i told you what it means thats how i am! first day of school shitty. last MONTH of summer? shitty. everything? shitty. no wait not shitty. popsicle! popsicle! popsicle! popsicle!!!! you can't tell me that i have a good ass life. when you don't have the one thing that mostly keeps you going in life. friends. sure i have friends. i see people in the hall way i saw hi. those are friends. every has those. you don't know what its like to not have a group of friends to hang out with. i dont care if you try to tell me well i never go out on the weekends blah blah blah. thats nothing. you still have that group of friends that you hang out with talk to have there for you. me. i dont even jave that anymore. all lunch and after school i went from group to gorup. no one to settle with. you don't know what the fuck it feels like. not mater what you say. you wont ever feel HALF the pain i did today or have for ahwile! | | |
| i dont think anyone i know of could know how i feel or have felt for awhile now. having no one to turn to. everyone treating you like shit no one knows your even alive. meaning nothing to everyone. im just some chick everyone can use. i dont have feelings. treat me how ever you want i dont care. right. if you think im being even any part exagerating or sarcastic dont even bothering reading this. you obviously dont care about me dont know me and you are one of those people i mean nothing to. so dont bother. you dont exsist to me either. i know i dont deserve everything i have. and if it was to be taken away it wouldn't matter to me i have nothing to live for. i already have nothing. this is my life as of now. every weekend. feeling like nothing. no friends to hang out with. nothing to do. no one to talk to. everything just brings you down. parents dont care about you what so ever. your friends dont know you exsist. they only time they do is when they need something out of you and then your just another person in the world. people talking shit about you. you know i usually wouldn't care if people talk shit about me because thats what they think not me. they obviously dont know me. but you know you start to believe it when you get told it every day of your life for about more than 5 years. and its like even the people who do say they care and show it. i know i dont deserve it so i ignore it. i never thought my life was this bad but it hit me that it really is. im your ordinary.. um how would institutions call it.... your ordinary. teenage girl who is lsot as has nothing to turn to. drugs are something i wont turn to. no friends to turn to. people who care i dont want to turn to they know nothing. no family to turn to. im basically a lost soul. no where to go just foating around trying to find its place in life. but there isn't one. its like making a carton for 20 eggs and making 21 eggs. i can't even finish. the only person who knows me is my mind body and soul. | | |
|